I bought this book because I was coming out of the Covid lockdowns and sadly lost communication with friends. I wanted to find a way to reignite those friendships and attempt to build a system to keep them healthy going forward with regular communication. I’m still learning this so I’m going to attempt to build out below how I will accomplish that going forward.
The book describes some of the common myths and excuses that prevents people from reaching out. Feeling guilty because its been a long time and not being sure what to say are the two that really described what I felt. Everyday you want to reach out but are embarrassed because its been so long, then its another day longer and that compounds. You don’t know how to answer the question of why you haven’t communicated, you feel like a bad friend.
Here are the ways the proactively stay connected:
- Make a list of friends and their birthdays.
- I’ve found using Notion and building out a database table with last contacted and inside the page for each person, I put important information like their birthdays, important information, their interests etc. I also add their birthdays to my calendar that repeats every year and for the closer friends, I created a recurring task in my task manager app to contact them throughout the week.
- Methods
- Phone calls while walking/commuting
- I really like this one—since I enjoy accomplishing two things at the same time when possible.
- Emails, Text messages, Social Media
- I like this to send them articles or videos that you see that may interest them Or funny memes.
- Great to send random messages to say, “Hope you are doing well?” or “How did this or that go?”
- Snail mail cards or letters
- I remember I was going through a tough time during Covid and I was depressed and secluding myself. Gaby, your Godfather, sent me a handwritten letter and it meant the world to me. Really allowed me to see a bit of light to pull myself together and get better.
- Care packages
- This is nice to send to friends if they have a new baby or need a nice gesture.
- Hosting parties
- Looking forward to doing this once the renovating of our home is done. BBQs, pool parties, eventually have your friends over to play. Just thinking about this makes me smile.
- Video calls
- I need to do more of this. Seeing the other person is so much better than just voice, creates more rapport.
- Meeting up for meals
- Been doing this to rebuild friendships. Communicating with friends over food is hard to beat.
- Phone calls while walking/commuting
- Groups to stay connected
- Group texts
- These are nice, sometimes they fizzle out, but that’s ok you can always reignite them if they do.
- Clubs around shared hobbies
- I’ve found this in participating in USPSA. A hobby unites people and a great way to find people with common interests and easily creates friendships.
- Group texts
- Doing activities together
- Online class
- Double date
- Going to be doing this with your mother and our friends, its always a great time
- Plan trips to visit others
- Attend events
- What shows or movies
- Going to the movies, but now you can even do this on your computer in a voice chat if you’re unable to go physically. I’m sure you already know this as by the time you read this, technology will be much more advanced than even it is now.
- Show you are in little ways
- Send articles, memes, songs that remind you of them
- Ask for a recipe, offer a ride
- Asking people for small favors will make people feel good. People tend to like you more if they do you a small favor. Obviously never take advantage of this fact.
- Say thank you
- Always.
- Be proactive about making plans. Set standing dates to connect.