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How to be a gentleman - a timely- Revised guide to timeless manners — Thomas Nelson.pdf (file not included in this release)

Highlights

A gentleman knows how to make others feel comfortable. (Page 27)

A gentleman knows that incessant use of his cell phone can only make it clear that he values the person on the other end of the telephone conversation far more highly than the persons who are in his company. Such behavior is, at its best, ill-mannered and irritating. At its worst, it grows tedious and may well lead to unpleasant confrontations with total strangers, theatre ushers, train conductors, or airport security. (Page 28)

Without even being asked to do so, a gentleman turns off his cell phone or pager as soon as he enters the theatre. (He also understands that, in this case, “off” means the phone is completely silenced—not simply switched to the “vibrate” mode.) Because he knows others may be wishing to study their program notes or simply to prepare themselves, mentally, for the performance ahead, he does not engage in cell phone chit-chat once he has settled into his seat. (Page 32)

When a gentleman makes his way down a row in a crowded theatre, he faces the people who are already in their seats. A gentleman never forces others to stare at his backside. (Page 32)

If there is dancing, he does his part, partnering as many bridesmaids as possible. (Page 33)

A gentleman does not bring his gift with him to the church or to the reception. Instead, he has it sent or he delivers it himself, well ahead of the wedding. If he is unable to send his gift ahead of time—because of his schedule, his financial situation, or his simple forgetfulness—he does not fret about sending it late. He may send a gift at any point during the year following the wedding, knowing that a well-mannered bride and groom will appreciate his thoughtfulness and generosity, at any time. (Page 33)

If he is invited to the reception, a separate “reception card” will probably be enclosed with the invitation. That card, if it is correctly worded, will indicate whether or not he is expected to wear black tie. If the wedding takes place in a very large church or a hotel ballroom, and if the invitation is an extremely formal one, engraved on heavy stock, he may assume that black tie will be appropriate. If he does not own black tie and does not wish to rent his formalwear, he can always feel at ease wearing his best dark suit, black shoes, and a conservative tie. (Page 33)

In no case does a gentleman ever wear black tie before five in the evening, no matter what the invitation requests. (Page 34)

If unruly children are disrupting the pool, a gentleman may call this behavior to the attention of the children’s parents or their temporary overseers. If nothing else seems to work, and if the children are old enough to understand simple English, he may say something frank, such as: If you’re going to splash people in the pool, please go down to the other end and splash people you know. Please do not splash me.” (Page 36)

A gentleman recognizes that a funeral is a time for paying respects. He wears a dark suit, a white shirt, a somber tie, and a pair of black shoes. If there is a wake, a reception, or a visitation with the family of the deceased, he arrives on time and waits quietly in the receiving line. He keeps his remarks simple, out of respect for the grieving person’s overwrought emotions. A statement such as, “I am sorry about your loss, Mrs. Magnuson. Your husband was a wonderful person,” is appropriate. During the service, a gentleman does not engage the other mourners in conversation. He sits where the ushers tell him to sit. He always signs the book. (Page 37)

A gentleman knows how to behave in other people’s houses of worship. If the congregation stands, he stands. He does not, however, have to cross himself, bow, or kneel. (Page 38)

If a gentleman attends synagogue and is offered a yarmulke (the traditional head covering worn by men at Conservative and Orthodox Jewish services), he puts it on. (Page 38)

Even if a gentleman does not eat in bed, he changes his bedsheets at least every two weeks. (Page 39)

When a gentleman is finished with the dryer, he cleans the lint filter. (Page 39)

A gentleman holds his temper when dealing with service representatives on the phone, no matter what language they speak. He knows that arguing with an anonymous person on the other end of a telephone line will get him nowhere and will very likely imperil the quality of service he receives. (Page 43)

If he notices that a fellow passenger is having difficulty stowing his or her bag, and if he is tall enough and agile enough to be of real assistance, he offers a hand to help push the bag into the bin. He does not demean a fellow passenger by muttering, “Hey, why don’t you move it, sister,” or “What’s the matter? Do you think you’re the only person on this plane?” (Page 46)

If a gentleman borrows another person’s property—whether it is a power drill, a new best seller, or a set of salad forks—he sets a deadline by which he plans to return it. He keeps to that deadline and returns the property in good condition. (Page 47)

A gentleman always carries dollar bills in his pocket. He never knows when he may need to tip a doorman, a maitre d’, or a parking attendant. He even carries a few extra singles to lend to other gentlemen or ladies who may be caught unprepared. (Page 48)

A gentleman never feels that he must say pleasant things about unpleasant people. Even when describing pleasant people, he does not stretch the truth. Goodness, when accurately described, can stand on its own. (Page 48)

If a gentleman must leave the dinner table, he simply says, “Excuse me.” It does not matter whether he is headed for the telephone booth or the bathroom. No further explanation is necessary. (Page 48)

Although an e-mail is a form of written correspondence, it does not nesessarily take the place of a hard-copy letter or a handwritten note. In his social life, a gentleman may find it convenient to use his e-mail in almost any situation in which a telephone call or a voice-mail message would usually suffice. (Page 49)

He never uses an e-mail as a shield against the awkwardness of a potentially difficult moment. (Page 49)

A gentleman does not adjust his crotch in public. (Page 51)

A gentleman is considerate of the special needs of senior citizens and people with physical challenges. For example, if he encounters a blind person who seems confused by a busy street corner, he asks, “May I help you across to the sidewalk?” If the offer is accepted, the gentleman provides a helpful hand. If the offer is declined, he maintains his distance, keeping a watchful eye. (Page 51)

A gentleman’s pants cuffs fall in a gentle break over his shoes. When he stands, his socks do not show. (Page 54)

When a gentleman wears a double-breasted suit or a double-breasted sports coat, he never leaves his jacket unbuttoned. (Page 54)

A gentleman knows that even today, black shoes are considered more formal, businesslike, and serious than brown shoes. In fact, in certain businesses—the legal profession, for instance, or the upper echelons of banking—black shoes remain the only truly acceptable footwear. (Page 55)

On the other hand, if a gentleman is in a situation where a brown or green suit or a sports coat would be acceptable—in an office with a more relaxed dress code or at a dressy sporting event, for example—his brown shoes will serve him well. In the heat of summer, he may even resort to a pair of white bucks or—if he wishes to come off as particularly dapper—a pair of the two-toned Oxfords known as “spectators.” But only a gentleman with the greatest self-assurance attempts such a feat, and then only at the most sporty of occasions. If a gentleman has any doubts at all about his choice of shoes, he does not allow himself to be swayed by an overly insistent salesperson. He heeds his own instincts. If dark shoes are the shoes in which he feels comfortable, dark shoes are the only shoes he wears. (Page 55)

No matter what the fashion trends of the moment may be, a gentleman never wears brown shoes to a funeral or to a wedding. If he is fortunate enough to have a long life, he will live through many weekends, and his brown loafers will get plenty of wear on any number of other occasions. (Page 55)

A gentleman always lets his suit jacket or sports coat air out overnight before he returns it to the closet. (Page 57)

A gentleman puts his winter clothes, especially his woolens, into storage for the summer months. (Page 57)

A gentleman’s socks always match, or at least complement, his trousers—not his shirt, his tie, or his pocket-handkerchief. (Page 57)

A gentleman feels no necessity to wear socks after Memorial Day—at least in casual situations. If he is Southern, he may not even wear them to church. (Page 57)

Despite the impact of global warming, a gentleman still resists any temptation to wear linen before Memorial Day. (Page 57)

When a gentleman wears his black tie with a wing-collar shirt, he always positions the points of the collar behind the tie. That way, the ends of the tie can help hold the stiffened collar down. (Page 59)

Once he is past the age of ten, a gentleman ties his own tie. Especially if it is a bow tie. Especially if it is black. (Page 59)

A gentleman never wears a button-down collar with a bow tie. (Page 59)

A gentleman’s shirt studs need not match his cufflinks precisely. However, they always complement each other. (Page 59)

However, if he knows that other guests at the party are unlikely to be dressed in dinner clothes, he plays it safe and wears a dark suit. If the invitation does not indicate any dress code, or if “black tie optional” is suggested, a gentleman does not feel obligated to rent dinner clothes. In such situations, his dark suit will serve him perfectly well. (Page 60)

A gentleman owns at least one pair of black lace-up shoes. (Page 64)

When a gentleman wears a vest, he leaves the bottom button undone. (Page 64)

When a gentleman outgrows his clothes, he gives them away to charity. He does not pretend that someday he will lose weight. When, and if, he does lose weight, he certainly will not want to celebrate by wearing out-of-date coats and trousers. (Page 64)

When necessary, a gentleman has his shoes resoled and the heels replaced. He recognizes that this is not simply a matter of appearance; it is also the best way to preserve his high-priced footwear. (Page 64)

A gentleman’s pants are always cuffed, except for his casual khakis, his blue jeans, and his formal trousers. (Page 64)

Whenever a gentleman goes to the theatre, to a religious service, or to a restaurant, he tucks his shirttail in. Although an untucked shirttail may be the style of the moment, a gentleman knows that his tucked-in shirttail is timeless. (Page 65)

After business hours, a gentleman turns his cell phone to the vibrate mode as soon as he is seated at his table at a restaurant. He does not check his text messages, much less send text messages, while seated at the table. (Page 67)

In an upscale restaurant (“upscale” being defined by entrees costing in excess of thirty dollars and by fine linen cloths on the tables), a gentleman can often be expected to provide a gratuity for the wine steward, who will assist in the selection of wines and will present them to the gentleman at his table. The final bill for the meal may include a line for the wine steward’s gratuity, or the gentleman may simply tip the wine steward himself, with cash, on his way out of the restaurant. A tip equaling 20 percent of the cost of the wine can get pricey, but it is what is usually expected. (Page 68)

In upscale restaurants, the host, hostess, or maitre d’ may play an active role in seating the gentleman’s party, explaining the menu, and ensuring that their dining experience goes as smoothly as possible. In such cases, a gentleman quietly slips the host, hostess, or maitre d’ twenty dollars or more as his party prepares to leave the restaurant. (Page 68)

A gentleman does not stack his plates at the end of the meal. (Page 71)

A gentleman does not cut up all his food at once. (Page 71)

When a gentleman has finished eating, he places his knife and his fork on his plate side by side, as if they were the hands of a clock set at 5:25. He never places a piece of dirty flatware back on the table. (Page 71)

A gentleman never salts his food before tasting it. He would never insult the cook in that way. (Page 71)

When a gentleman has an unpleasant time in a restaurant, he does not badger the waitstaff. He lodges his complaint with the management. Unless he is a glutton for punishment, he does not patronize that restaurant again. (Page 71)

On the other hand, if a gentleman and his party arrive on time and are asked to wait more than fifteen minutes—and if they are not content to bide their time in the bar—a gentleman has every right to ask the restaurant’s host to assist him in securing a table at another restaurant, of the same quality, in the same vicinity. (Page 73)

In general, red wine is still the wine of choice to accompany red meat, pasta dishes with tomato sauces, and most heavy entrees. White wines are usually selected to accompany fish, chicken, salads, and pasta dishes with light sauces. But a gentleman may feel at ease ordering any wine he likes. (Page 74)

When a gentleman pours a glass of wine, he finishes by turning the bottle slightly, in order to prevent unsightly dribbles and drips. (Page 74)

A gentleman does not attempt to change the opinions of his dinner companions. A seated dinner is not a debate tournament. (Page 75)

If a gentleman briefly leaves the table during dinner, he leaves his napkin, loosely folded, in his chair. (Sad to say, in even some fine restaurants, he may return to the table only to discover that a server has refolded the gentleman’s soiled napkin and returned it to the table. The restaurant is wrong in this case, not the gentleman.) When a gentleman has finished his meal, he loosely folds his napkin and places it to the side of his plate. (Page 75)

At the dinner table, a gentleman helps the woman to the right of him as she sits or rises from her chair. (Page 75)

A younger person is always introduced to an older person. (Page 81)

When a gentleman introduces a man and a woman who appear to be of essentially the same age, he introduces the man to the woman. (Page 81)

In any situation when a gentleman must introduce two people, and one of them holds a position of some distinction either as a public official, a member of the clergy, a senior executive in the gentleman’s business, or a guest of honor at the event where all of them are gathered—that person is treated with all due deference. (Page 81)

When the conversation is taking place in his office, it is a gentleman’s responsibility to bring the meeting to a close. In every case, he states, as directly as possible, that it is time for the discussion to end; he does not allow the conversation to dawdle along uncomfortably. On the telephone, he may say something as simple as, “It’s been very good talking with you, Jack. I hope we get to talk again soon.” In person, he stands up, thanks his guest for meeting with him, and extends his hand for a handshake. (Page 83)

A gentleman gives direct answers, especially to controversial questions. Being direct, however, is not the same thing as being blunt. (Page 83)

A gentleman does not confuse the nominative case with the objective case. For example, he does not say, “Cathy and me want to say thank you for taking us to the movie.” But neither does he say, “Thank you for taking Cathy and I to the show.” (Page 85)

A gentleman does not say “ain’t.” But he also knows it is every bit as ghastly to replace it with “aren’t I?” It is no better to say, “I’m getting here late, aren’t I?” than it is to say, “I’m the last one here, ain’t I?” Instead, he says, “It looks like I’m the first one here for the meeting, am I not?” (Page 85)

A gentleman listens to himself to make sure his pronunciation is as correct as possible. For example, he does not say “axe” (as in “There’s something I want to axe you”), when the word he really means to use is “ask.” (Page 85)

A gentleman does not end a sentence with the preposition “at,” as in “Where did you get that at?” Instead, he simply asks, “Where did you get that?” (Page 85)

A gentleman knows the difference between “who” and “whom.” (“Who” (Page 85)

can serve as the subject of a sentence, a phrase, or a clause. “Whom” is always the object of a verb or a preposition.) In many cases, a gentleman will be tempted to use “whom,” in hopes of sounding more “proper.” He would be wrong to say, “Jerry is the one who we invited.” But he would also be wrong—and sound more than a little fussy—to say, “Jerry is the one whom is going with us.” (Page 86)

A gentleman also avoids the fussiness of substituting “myself’ for “me.” He does not say, “If you have any questions, please contact Dale or myself.” Instead, he says, “If you need more information, please get in touch with Dale or me.” (Page 86)

No matter what a gentleman’s age or background is, he can always polish his grammar and his pronunciation. He listens closely to himself, avoiding whenever possible the passing slang of the moment. If he plans to say anything worth remembering, he knows it is important to say it right. (Page 86)

The simplest statements are the most eloquent. A gentleman might write, “I considered Harold a valuable and trusted friend. I will miss him very much.” To comfort a friend he might write, “I know Harold’s loss is a great blow to you. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.” (Page 86)

A gentleman knows that it is never wrong to write a thank-you for any kindness that he has received—whether it is a birthday gift, dinner at a restaurant, a cocktail party in a friend’s home, a weekend stay in a friend’s beach house, or a ride to the garage to pick up his car. In every case, however, he keeps his thank-you brief and to the point. He specifically mentions the kindness he has received. (“The mauve sweater is just exactly what I’d been wanting.” “Dinner was great. I’m so very fond of zucchini casserole.” “I don’t know how I’d ever have made it to work if you hadn’t given me a lift to the Auto Outlet.”) (Page 87)

An e-mail message, no matter how heartfelt, does not adequately express his gratitude. A handwritten note, no matter how brief, is the only gentlemanly option. (Page 87)

A gentleman knows, however, that it is useless to make a complaint unless it is made to the right person. For instance, if a gentleman has received inferior service in a restaurant, he does not waste his breath complaining directly to the server, who may feel no compulsion to amend his behavior. Instead, a gentleman expresses his concern to the manager or owner of the establishment. If he has the opportunity, he makes his complaint in person; otherwise, he makes a telephone call or he puts his concerns in writing. (Page 87)

A gentleman knows that “please” and “thank you” are still the magic words. (Page 88)

A gentleman does not give BYOB parties. (Page 90)

Whenever he can avoid it, a gentleman does not extend lastminute invitations. He knows that ninety minutes before the start of his party is too late to invite anybody to anything. (Page 90)

When his guests arrive, a gentleman greets them warmly and points them in the direction of food and drink. If he observes that a guest is not being included in the conversation, he introduces him to others and facilitates the conversation. (Page 90)

A gentleman host does not fret over broken glassware or scratches on the furniture. He accepts such irritations as a part of entertaining. (Page 90)

A gentleman makes sure that his invitation, whether delivered by telephone or by mail—or, in the most casual of circumstances, by e-mail provides all the necessary information. He gives the time, the date, and the location. He also lets people know what they are expected to wear. (Page 91)

Should a guest arrive with an unexpected bottle of wine, and if it does not complement the menu he has planned, a gentleman simply says, “Thank you, Gloria. You are so thoughtful, and I love pinot noir. I’m certainly going to look forward to enjoying this soon.” (Page 91)

Should a guest arrive with a bowl of dip, or even a full-fledged casserole, a gentleman must find some way to serve it, even if it does not go well with the Dover sole he has so lovingly prepared. (Page 91)

In every case, a gentleman makes sure to have ample ice, and he offers a variety of mixers, not just for the pleasure of his drinking friends, but out of consideration for his nondrinking guests, as well. Quality, a gentleman knows, is always more important than quirkiness. (Page 92)

A gentleman knows that his bar is never complete without sliced limes and lemons, a jigger, a stirrer, and a tall stack of neatly pressed cotton cocktail napkins (or at the very least, paper napkins of the best quality he can afford) and a generous supply of glasses. (Page 92)

Should he run low on ice, a gentleman feels free to ask one of his guests to make an “ice run.” The gentleman provides the money for the ice, of course, giving it to the guest before he leaves the party. (A gentleman never leaves his own party, except in a dire emergency.) (Page 92)

A gentleman knows that, as a general rule, it is safest to have at least five pounds of ice on hand for every guest at a cocktail party. That quantity may seem exorbitant, but—especially on a warm evening—a gentleman will probably discover that there are very few cubes left in his cooler once the last guest has headed for home. (Page 92)

When liquor is being served, a gentleman host is always alert to the possibility that some guests may overindulge. In such cases he does not allow them to drive. He arranges for them to be driven home by a sober friend, or he calls a cab and, if necessary, pays for it himself. If he feels he must take away a guest’s car keys, he does so. (Page 92)

If a gentleman wants his guests to leave, he puts the liquor away. (Page 92)

Before hiring help for a party, a gentleman seeks the advice of friends whose hosting skills he respects. If he is inexperienced when it comes to throwing parties, he is not ashamed to ask how much he should expect to pay for top-flight service. He knows it is wise to contact the bartender or caterer well ahead of time since the best people in those professions are often fully booked, especially during the holidays. He also knows that he may need to make more than one call in order to find servers who fit his budget. (Page 93)

A gentleman host uses his good china. If a piece is broken accidentally, he does not make a scene; neither does he accept a guest’s offer to pay for its replacement. (Page 94)

If a gentleman entertains—whether in his home or in a public place—the moment will come when he will be expected to “seat” a table. At that moment he, as a host, will be asked to decide where each of his guests will sit during the meal ahead of them. A gentleman takes this obligation seriously, knowing that his decision will make or break the evening. He attempts to seat compatible guests beside each other, but he never seats a couple—whether they are married, a long-standing couple, or on a first date—side by side. His goal is to create a mix of guests who will ask each other questions, generating lively conversation. (Page 95)

Meanwhile, a gentleman-host reserves for himself the least desirable seat. For instance, at a formal dinner where there are to be speeches, the host takes the seat with the poorest view of the podium. His compensatory reward comes from watching the happy faces of his handsomely entertained guests. (Page 95)

HOW TO SERVE DINNER

Before a gentleman’s guests arrive, he sets out the dinner plates, flatware, and glasses on the table. Once the guests have chatted for a bit and have perhaps had a drink of some sort, he suggests that they proceed to the table. Thereafter, the procedure is as follows:

1. The guests take their places.
2. If a gentleman is serving a salad, he places the salad plates directly on the dinner plates (which have already been set). (Page 97)
3. When the guests have finished their salads, a gentleman removes the salad plates. If he plans to serve the dinner plates in the kitchen, he takes them away at the same time.
4. A gentleman either serves the dinner plates in the kitchen or brings the main course and its side dishes to the table, where the guests serve themselves.
5. When guests have finished the main course, with second helpings if they are offered, a gentleman takes away the dinner plates, along with the dinner forks and knives.
6. A gentleman serves dessert. If he has not already placed the dessert forks or spoons on the table, he may bring them out with the dessert itself. If there is coffee, he serves it now.

If the dinner conversation continues after the guests have finished their desserts, a gentleman takes the empty plates away and pours more coffee. He never rushes his friends to leave the table after a satisfying meal.

If a gentleman prefers to prepare the dinner himself, he tells his guests and graciously declines their offers for help. If he would like their assistance, however, he accepts their offers. If an offer is not made, he may still ask for help in small chores, such as opening the wine or filling the glasses with ice. (Page 98)

As his guests depart, a gentleman sees each one of them to the door and watches until they reach the elevator, the stairs, or the driveway. (Page 98)

A gentleman considers any invitation an act of generosity and kindness. He accepts or declines it as promptly and as graciously as possible. (Page 101)

When a gentleman receives a number of invitations for the same date, via voicemail or e-mail, he accepts the first one. A gentleman knows it is rude to weigh one invitation against another. (Page 101)

If a gentleman has been invited to a party via e-mail, he may either respond in kind or pick up the telephone and say, “Hello, Pete. I got your invitation for eight o’clock on Friday. I’m looking forward to being there,” or “Hello, Patricia. I got your invitation for Friday. I wish I could be there, but I’m going to be in Minneapolis.” A voicemail message will usually suffice as a reply to any invitation received via telephone or e-mail. Because voicemail services sometimes malfunction, however, a gentleman will feel more at ease if he speaks directly to his host or hostess. (Page 103)

A gentleman understands the dress code provided on his party invitation. “Casual” varies with the season: shorts and a polo shirt for summer, jeans and a sweater for winter. “Business casual” suggests an open shirt and a sports jacket. “Semiformal” requires a dark suit and tie. “Black tie” dictates a dinner jacket and its necessary accouterments: a vest or cummerbund, cufflinks and studs, a good white shirt, and brightly polished black shoes. “White tie” demands the gentleman’s ultimate regalia, complete with (Page 103)

tailcoat and patent leather dancing shoes. (Page 104)

A gentleman knows to start with the fork on the outside. If the salad fork is in the wrong place, he does not make a scene. (Page 105)

When a gentleman is invited to another person’s home—for dinner, a holiday party, or an overnight visit—he takes a gift. For a dinner party, he takes a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of wine (unchilled, so that the host or hostess knows that it is a gift and is not intended to accompany dinner). For a holiday party, he takes a jar of mustard, some jam, a bottle of good whiskey, a tin of nuts, or a bag of coffee beans. If he is invited for a more extended stay—a single night or longer—a gentleman takes a more substantial gift, such as cloth cocktail napkins, an extra corkscrew, an interesting book, or a useful kitchen gadget. (Page 107)

A gentleman always presents his gift directly to his host or hostess. If a gentleman takes a gift to a party, unless it is a baby or wedding shower, he does not assume that it will be opened in his presence. (Page 107)

A gentleman always sends a thank-you note. Whether he brought flowers or a casserole to a potluck dinner, he is still grateful. Even if he brings a bottle of wine, he still writes a note. (The flowers say, “Thank you for inviting me.” The note says, “Thank you, I had a good time.” It is not the same thing.) If he brought flowers or wine, the note does not have to be sent immediately. If the evening was boring, or if he left early, he can always say something like, “I had such fun pausing with you before the marathon of yet another busy weekend.” Or he can say, “Dinner was so good, I tried a little bit of everything.” He does not expect his host or hostess to reply to a thank-you note. (Page 108)

A gentleman never gets so big that he can feel free to say or do things that make other people feel small. (Page 111)

If a gentleman says he will call, he lives up to his word. (Page 111)

When a gentleman is in the company of a woman—whether she is his mother, his wife, his date, his boss, or his friend—and they are walking through a crowded room, he walks slightly behind her. (Page 113)

A CHECKLIST FOR A GENTLEMAN’S LINENS

Although he may not use them himself every day, a gentleman has on hand:

• At least a half dozen heavy white cotton dinner napkins. (Even if he has dinnerware only for four, he is wise to have a couple of extra napkins on hand, in case of spills and so that he can use one to line the bread basket.)
• At least a half dozen heavy white cotton cocktail napkins.
• A couple of spare packs of heavy paper cocktail napkins.
• A half dozen heavy cotton kitchen towels. (Otherwise, he will find himself using his dinner napkins to wipe up messes in the kitchen.)

In the bathroom, in the cabinet under the sink, he keeps the following items: (Page 136)

• At least two good fluffy cotton towels that he does not use every day. (Even an unexpected overnight guest deserves a fresh towel.)
• At least two washcloths that match his towels.
• At least two hand towels for guests to use. (These should not be the same ones he uses every morning to wipe his face after shaving.) (Page 137)

A gentleman always carries a handkerchief. Because it is always clean, he readily lends it to others. (Page 137)

A gentleman always has a box of goodquality, heavy cardboard correspondence cards on hand for his informal correspondence—thank-you notes, sympathy notes, replies to formal invitations, even the occasional billet-doux. They may be plain, imprinted, or engraved with his name. (Page 137)

A GENTLEMAN’S CHECKLIST FOR DINNERWARE

Even if he entertains only on the rarest of occasions, a gentleman is equipped with everything necessary to set a basic dinner table. In his kitchen cabinets, he has available:

• At least four dinner plates that match. (Heavy pottery or white dishwasher-safe bistro-style plates are fine. They are also microwave safe.)
• At least four salad plates that look nice with the dinner plates. (They need not match one another, but they must look good together on the same table.)
• At least four soup bowls that complement the dinner plates. (Hearty ones, large enough for chili or beef stew, are best.)
• At least four matching cups and saucers.
• At least four coffee mugs (preferably matching, but a collection of (Page 138)

souvenir mugs will function perfectly well).

• Flatware (probably stainless) for four, including:
• Four knives
• Four dinner forks
• Four salad forks
• Four soup spoons
• Four coffee spoons (Page 139)

A gentleman makes sure that all his dinnerware is unchipped and clean before he puts it on the table. Even if his flatware has been through the dishwasher, he rubs it with a cloth before setting the table so that it takes on a little shine. (Page 141)

A gentleman considers it a wise investment to pay for ballroom dancing lessons. (Page 142)